Abuse

I met a friend recently and we got to talking about her friend, let’s call her A. My friend was telling me on why they had a fall out and somehow the reason was shocking, to me.

A is in a relationship with a guy. They’ve been together for a while. But A always complaints to my friend that her boyfriend always abused her. Like, physically abused her. When A came to my friend, she was limping and bleeding from her lips because she just had a fight with the boyfriend. He kicked her, I think they call it flying kick eh, kicked her in the stomach. And when she’s on the ground, she was kicked AGAIN. I swear, I was so shocked to hear that! She’s so tiny, how can she withstand such an abuse!

And the funny story is, she came to my friend to complaint about the abuse, and of course, my friend’s advice is “You deserve better, please don’t stay in a relationship where your boyfriend don’t even respect you” and something else along that line. And the problem is, when A got back together with the boyfriend after this fight, A told her boyfriend about what my friend said and the boyfriend forbids A to be friends because my friend asked A to leave him. And yes, they are still together until now.

Ok. When I first heard this story, I was shocked to my core! I mean, oh my god, even though I don’t know A, my heart goes out to her because I cannot imagine anyone being treated like that. Kicked in the stomach like a dog and to be treated so badly. And they are not even married! I’ve heard a lot of friends who are in an abusive relationship and I’d think to myself, WHY? There must be a reason why they would let themselves be treated like that.

Because I think before judging the girls who are abused, I bet there are reasons why they’re still sticking through. I don’t know what was going on in their relationship that made them fight like that. But I still think that whatever the reason that caused them to fight, no woman deserved to be hit like that by anyone. And what I’m writing is solely just my opinion and no, I’m no psychologist/therapist.

Being in Love

This is the biggest reason I can think of why people would stay in the relationship. Well, it’s the reason why people stay in most relationship too. Hehe. But I think being blindly in love with someone somehow clouds your judgment on what is right or wrong in the relationship. You might tell yourself that this is a phase the other person is going through, that is why he is so aggressive. You’d tell yourself he’d change in the future for you. I seriously hope that they will.

Abuse is Normal

This is scary. Seriously, most of the people I talk to now will know someone who is in an abusive relationship. And they’d say, "Ala biasa la tu. Kena pukul sikit-sikit" NO. Being kicked in the stomach is NOT a healthy relationship. Please know this, that is not how you should be treated.

Self-Esteem

Being called stupid, idiot or any name calling does affect your self-esteem, especially when the guy blames you for the abuse. Being called stupid every day, somehow starts to make you believe that you are stupid when you’re not. Please know that you are not the cause of their abuse/anger.

It saddens me to hear of cases like this. Girls, if you feel like you’re in this kind of relationship, take a step back and review your relationship. Ask yourself if this is the type of relationship that you want to be in. If the guys blame you for the reason why they hit you, don’t believe them. He’s a bully that thinks he can take advantage of you. If he loves you, he wouldn't dare to even raise his hand.

If your friends tell you that they’re abused, don’t take it lightly. Be there for them. Give them the emotional support that they need. They are in the relationship and they are very much in love with the guy so they don’t have a helicopter view of what their relationship is like. They need you to say, hey this is wrong. Do something about it.

And guys, don’t be mad at the girlfriends who are trying to help your woman. They are just concerned friends who want the best for their friend. Before you are mad at the friends who are telling your girlfriend to leave you, THINK of why they are saying that to your girlfriend. No girl would ask another girl to leave their boyfriend just for fun. 

And I understand, sometimes when you fight, your girlfriend might say things like “You nak pukul i? Pukul lah!” BUT please don’t hit them. They’re mad and they’re not thinking about what they are saying. Compare the size of your fist with hers. You guys are huge kot! So, think about that k.

Let’s spread some love people. Say NO to physical abuse. Or emotional abuse. Or any kind of abuse at all.